My Choice of Donut
Today, I ordered a double shot of espresso over ice and used a coupon to get a free donut. I wanted one with strawberry icing, rainbow sprinkles, and coconut shreds. They were out of strawberry icing and didn’t hear me say rainbow sprinkles, so I ended up getting a chocolate donut with coconut.
When you have twenty different options in three different categories for how to build your donut, maybe what you choose says something.
The donut I want is fruity and fun with coconut shreds to appear as though I may have something figured out. The donut I ended up with is serious and grown-up. I ate it with a fork, even when it felt like a sin.
The decisions I make are an extension of who I am, and each time I have to decide if I am going to be me or if I am going to be what people want from me.
I think my parents wish I would want the chocolate donut with coconut, but I don’t think I will ever not want the rainbow sprinkles or bright pink icing. I want my life to be bright and colorful, chaotic and intentional. My life will be put together in a messy, unorganized, beautiful way, not in the linear, narrow way I am told it should be.
The chocolate donut may be safer and steadier, and I can understand why a lot of people love this donut. But no matter how hard I try to like it, I always go back to the strawberry icing and rainbow sprinkles.
My choice of donut is dynamic. Favoring work in one season and travel in another. Allowing my focus to flow as much as the toppings on my donut shift in favor of coconut then sprinkles.
But this morning, I ate a chocolate donut with a fork. It was a rude notion to all donuts, but I couldn’t be bothered to be fully present. So I ate it with a fork while I read my book. The safe and straight life that my parents wish I wanted and society tells me is success, feels passive to me. I do not want to simply do as I’m told or follow the steps that someone else planned for me.
The life I yearn for demands my presence. It demands my intention. It will be difficult and oftentimes uncomfortable but if I don’t continue to fight for the life I want, one day I will wake up and find myself mindlessly choosing the chocolate donut.